I'm pissed and I can't write....so I've been avoiding....

Now I'm really pissed as my post got erased....and it was a good ways in............

Anyway.....this is a side you won't see often...not many people have ever seen this.....but I will write more....just know it's been a crappy week and nobody even cared.. ...or even knew to care....although they should have.....or even just tried to let us know they were thinking of us......how can you not think of your friends when both she and her husband or he and his wife are both laid off with a newborn....how crappy can you be not to check on them once in a while.....well I'll tell you..............I think I'm a lot better friend than most of the people I know........ maybe it's because I fix most things in my life and I'm independent and I don't need everyone else.....so maybe my friends think I don't need a little support with this.....well you know what.......................how much has to happen to someone before you think you should check on them or think of them or offer help or even offer to get your lazy boyfriend/fiance off his couch and away from his 52 inch tv and send my husband's resume into his company...for a job he is very qualified for and has asked your fiance about 4 times and when you may even get a nice referral bonus if he's hired......i mean how selfish and lazy can you be..........I've done so much for you.............and you can't even do that........................don't even get me started............

I'm sorry if I've shocked you but I've really realized that people are selfish and not selfless, not giving and thoughtful as I thought..............people are totally caught up in their own lives....regardless of the troubles you might be experiencing.................

As you can tell it's been a crappy week....and I'm about to start letting it all hangout......not bc I'm a bitch (excuse me) but bc I need to vent.....my "best venting to friends" live out of town and I need someone.....so I'm here.....I hurt, my husband hurts, life is hard....yes we have money in our savings account and no I didn't lose a crappy paying job, I had a great job all the way around and I worked hard to work up the corporate ladder and I worked almost all at home my last year and loved it and loved my boss...it was a great situation which I'd worked up to...and it would have worked great with having a child at home with a nanny.....(excuse me to teachers who are underpaid).....we made almost 150k together and my salary was a big chunk of that and my husbands was to be bigger and similiar to mine after his MBA but now we are jobless.....and now we are both unemployed making less than 1/3 of that....this is hard...not the money....the emotions...the stress....the time that goes by......how do you do some fun things in the winter without spending much money and also be able to get out of the house....how many jobs can my husband apply to.. and now me too (but I'm a little pickier with a baby at home).....how many people can ignnore you both personally and resume application wise.........and how many unexpected major hiccups can occur that will take weeks to get fixed if ever (this refers to the 2 big things that took most of our week this week)........nobody understands or that's how it feels....I wish I had one person in my life besides my fabulous, fabulous husband that understands.....(and don't get me wrong because some of you have been amazing support through everything over the last year or so!)...........but we have nobody..............that's what I long for...an understanding friend............that and jobs.....or a better situation emotionally.....................Thank the good LORD for our amazing daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!She is our saving grace and our joy each day! I now know that's why we got pregnant with her when we did...........bc she would be the major joy in our lives during this harder time.

Well I haven't even gotten into the fact that we found out this week that my husband's SS# has been wrong on his W2 forms for the last 3 years and now his unemployment is all screwed up and also his social security.....and our health insurance is now saying we owe more money due to an error on their part and I mean almost $1000 and now $300 more a month starting from January....yes a month that has passed and we've already paid for....how can they do that....you and I both don't know............and I have 3 inches of paperwork with their case #s and their prices which say otherwise but it will take weeks to get it fixed.....if it does...which it should with all my paperwork in hand...totally their mistake but a major stresser in my life......................so far we spent 2 days working on this.........2 full days this week.............do you know how draining this is................and no I'm not a martyr I'm reality............I'm what probably a 1/4 of america is going through..................but it's worse bc it's both of us in our household that are laid off...........and that is rare and hard. Everyone says............."You can't get laid off when pregnant, it's against the law" well let me tell you....you can ....it just can't be the reason you get laid off.....but you can get laid off when pregnant......"

Anyway.......I'm not going to be like this forever..............but it may be a while. It makes me so sad............tears are running down my cheeks....................we will prevail...........we will survive.........I will go running this weekend and it will make me feel better............yes I'm a competitor as is my husband and we will challenge ourselves and outdo this situation..............but what are we supposed to learn and take from this...........we ask each other each day.............we aren't overspenders...............we don't disrespect parents or time with our child..........we are careful wtih our $ even before now---we've paid for 2 grad degrees with our own money.....that's about 40k we paid for grad school with no loans...........and we always valued time with children and each other and our familes.............so what.................patience.????...............we've been patient! Anyway......I'm sorry if this is hard to read...............or rather not what you wanted to read................we think that's what it is.........nobody wants to hear this and nobody knows what to say but you know what........................this is the sunny side of life with a family with 2 people unemployed..............we won't lose our house..........bc we've been careful with our money..............but we are losing our positive outlook and darn if we aren't the most positive people I've ever met! I hate to say it but why the hell us????? My husband is the greatest man I've ever met...............and I do my best to be a good person and help others........................I didn't even get mad when I was laid off from my company after 5 yrs when I was laid off 6 months pregnant even though crappy people were still left there that had HR complaints against them................anyway.....that's another topic for another day..............this still isn't everything but maybe just 1 person, yes 1 person will hear me, hear my heart and know that I am hurting and know what to say...............I dont' expect every person to read this to know how to respond(and no, I won't bite your head off at all...I just needed to vent) but maybe that 1 person that's meant to help me will know how to respond.....................and if nothing else I'm writing this to my personal online diary.......one that just happens to be my blog also......................maybe you've not known anyone laid off before until you read my diary....well let me tell you....we've lasted longer than most people.....that is my breaking point...if that's what this is...I think it's just a huge hole in the road.. one that I've fallen into...................so if you do know someone laid off.............please call them, email them or visit them and tell them you are thinking of them and know their situation will get better...............bc that means a lot and it's hard to always be positive...........even if you're the most positive people in the world like my husband and I. Well I guess that's it tonight...........I'll write more later.

Thank you for allowing me to let it all hangout and not judge me..................afterall it's been since June for me.