My husband just doesn't get it sometimes....sometimes he's a PITA

I know you're wondering what why I'm so frustrated at my DH....well here it is.
My brother is turing 35 this Saturday and it just so happens our nephew is also turing 1 on this day. This is my DH's brother's son. I've been dreading the mix of events for months and worried it wouldn't all work out. All the while my family has planned a big dinner for my brother at the lakehouse months ago. When we were at my BIL and SIL's about a week ago, our newphew's bday came up and they said they were planning on Saturday. I asked what time and they said around noon or 1. I told them I wasn't sure I would be able to make it as it was also my brother's bday and he was turning 35 and we were celebrating that night. Well my SIL looked at me like I said I had to get my nails done or something. I continued for about 15 mins explaining it was my brother's 35th bday and that his actual bday was that day. I also asked if the party could be Friday evening or Sunday (since there were only about 4 of us coming) and DH's sister (SIL2) said we couldn't do Friday because she then couldn't make it. (and stop the cows if she can't be there!) So Saturday it was. Well instead of my DH jumping in and standing up for me saying Kitty has been trying to figure this out for months and worried about this and wanted to make both......blah..blah...blah..like any good husband.....he intead says something like I'm probably coming and not going with Kitty. If we have to split up we will."  This was the first time I'd heard this and I didn't think it would feel like such a stab in the back. Almost like he was jumping in to save the day for them instead of trying to help me out a bit. I'm ok with him going to that party but I then thought he'd drive up to the lake to see us that evening and try and celebrate my brother's bday. Today, he tells me he's not doing that and he's staying here because he needs to be with his family and celebrate our nephew's bday. I'm like, the kid is freaking 1, doesn't speak a word, has no idea who we are, and won't be awake all night and you're just gonna party with your silly brother (who's not on my high list) and you're now lying saying you need to be there with your family to celebrate??!!!!!   Really, you expect me to believe that?  WTF! I'm so pissed. I told him if he did this to not expect me to celebrate any more bdays of his siblings. (I probably won't stick to this but I, yes me, made his silly brother a bday cake at our beach trip, after multiple insults throughout the week so give me a little credit, this was another time DH didn't stick up for me after being insulted by his brother.....all because he says "his brother doesn't say anything mean to anyone"......FFFFFFFing BS)

I can't believe he's not willing to go to that party and then drive up to see us and spend the night with us and celebrate my brother's b-day. We don't see each other much right now and he doesn't see V much now that he got a job and I just can't believe this. Might I also add that last Monday we dropped everything went over to DH's brother's home to hangout with all of his family bc his parents came to town. And we are also going to his parent's home the weekend after this coming one to spend time together, celebrate the nephew's bday again and celebrate their new deck.......so it's not like there hasn't been much family time. We also spent all of 4th of July weekend with them as they came to town.......I always feel like he picks them over me. He even told me one time that he's know his brother longer than me......you know what that point was.......It really infurriates me.

I'm pissed DH didn't stand up for me but instead jumped in to support his family for a 1yr old birthday party that is still getting planned less than a week away.

I'm also mad that DH didn't mention to me that his parents decided to come up for the weekend and he's planning to stay with his family all weekend instead of coming to see us and celebrate my brother's bday.

Some days I really don't get this man. Some days I want to shake him and yell at him until he listens to what I'm saying and understands.

We already have a hot button over stuff with his family and their poor planning or him not sticking up for me and I'm just sick of it. I  know I'm not perfect but some of this is just common sense.

Arrrrrggggghhhhh!