Cd24.....so slow....waiting to finish this bcp pack

I was never one of those people that got annoyed with FB pregnancy accnouncements and updates about pregnancy, even if done by an overposter every single day.

I was never one of those people that RSVP'd no to a babyshower because you just didn't feel like being around pregnany people. (although this time it was about the bad friend, not the guest of honor))

I was never one of those slightly bitter people about everyone else being pregnant but you.

But I'm suddenly finding myself becoming one of those people. I know it's ok. I know it's a method of healing and coping. I realize many people won't ever experience an ectopic pregnancy and then have to sit out of the TTC game for 3 months. I'm ok being one of the few that most people cannot relate to. I mean heck, I'm used to it. Remember our layoffs, my DH out of work for 1.5 years, FIL sick and so on and so on. I find myself relating to people that experienced a miscarriage but even some of those women don't have to wait 3 months afterwards. That doesn't mean miscarriages don't have their own issues as they do some of which I will never be able to relate to. Neither are a chosen situation. It's tough and not for the faint of heart. Miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies are tough in so many ways and definitely not fair. It changes a person. I also realize it means these babies we women lost were not meant to be and God took care of them by bringing the babies to him. But that still doesn't change the pain, the longing for a baby, longing to be pregnant, always thinking about your due date that will come and go with no baby arriving.

I'm ready to move past the pain and become pregnant. I'm ready to fall into the "relateable" group. You know, the group where everyone talks about being pregnant, due dates, the suspected gender, how you're feeling, etc. Being pregnant is not a  lonely place. Going through an ectopic or miscarriage is a VERY LONELY place. Why is it so much easier to rally around happy things than rallying around people that need a hug or a nice note......I guess because it's simply easier for most people and most people do not go out of their way for others.

Most days I'm fine. Most days I just sit and wait as I count down my last BCPs. I literally stare at my bcps each night as I take one more pill getting closer and closer to being done with them, done with the whole ectopic event and waiting. And staring at them gets me excited as I push one more pill out getting closer to completing the pack. But sometimes, yes, I feel sorry for myself and I'm frustrated, mad and hurt. I realize our stories are our stories and not 1 is alike but it still doesn't mean our story isn't super hard sometimes.

I am ready for the next chapter to begin. I am ready for AF. Once AF arrives the next chapter will begin!

Kitty