I'm pissed!

Sorry for so many posts but you ladies are such great support! And I could use some now.

I went to hangout with a friend tonight that recently had her 2nd baby. Call her Friend 2. She's friends with my good friend who we told we're pregnant on Sunday night, who said "you're having a boy" and who asked us about the fertilty place my DH accidently mentioned in a story about a tatoo when she was at our house 2 months ago. Call her friend 1. Well I found out tonight that when friend 1 and 2 got together for dinner along with another friend of theirs and I came up in conversation. Well I decided not to come and had canceled. (I canceled bc I don't like their friend and she was being rudely sarcastic over email)

So they went to dinner and friend 1 apparently brought us up and told the story about Dh slipping and mentioning the fertility place. (which she knows about bc she has another friend who went there for help) So I guess they talked about us and apparently friend 1 was all worried and they all thought we must have been trying for a whole lot longer and she was all worried that we wouldn't get pregnant and blah blah blah.

So my friend went around and told people private information about us that I didn't even want to share with her. So something I was never gonna tell her she now knows and she's decided to tell other people and I'm being asked about it or it's being mentioned when I see these people to tell them our pregnancy news. I'm pissed. I think friend 2 only told me tonight because she'd had 3+ glasses of wine. My DH is currently writing friend 1 and her husband an email asking them not to tell other people and that this is private and not something we were planning to share. I already felt forced into explaining myself the other night when she said "So you went to ___ _____ _____ Fertility practice" and asked all these questions. I shouldn't have explained anything but I guess I was feeling insecure. I think by including her DH in the email, he'll tell friend 1 that what she did was wrong and she shouldn't have done it. I tried to explain to her that I was always positive and felt that I was going to get pregnant. (I think people that don't know, think I must have gone through agony and my life was miserable and so forth. Well IF isn't fun but I was always upbeat and positive. I was never miserable and I'm tired of her and MIA friend thinking life must be so hard for me and that they could even possibly know what I'm going through, If you care about me and want to know how I'm doing ask me and only me. Don't go gossip about me or ignore me!) And I've not told DH this, but I'm also kinda upset at him that this has gotten out because he's the one that slipped the name of the fertilty practice in the story he was telling us that night friend 1 was at our house. He's not said sorry but he understands I'm upset. I think I wish he'd just say he was sorry since it's his fault that they know. But I'm not going to hold a grudge.

I hate learning hard lessons becuase people aren't trust worthy or find out something I didn't want them to know. DARN IT!!!!- this is why we don't tell people that don't go through IF!! Because they can't freaking relate!!!!! I'm so mad and upset. I just want to shut out the rest of the world. That is, the rest of the non-IF world. I'm so mad. I feel like I'm just a piece of gossip that these other women just talk about because they have nothing else to discuss. And obviously friend 1 doesn't really care about me or my privacy because she went and told another friend of mine and a friend of theirs. Just yesterday I emailed her a long note about enjoying our hangout on Sunday and asked her to please keep this info between us as we weren't sharing the info. I also told her that on Sunday when she brought it up and kept pressing. Maybe now she'll finally realize how wrong she was in telling this.

I know I'll move on past this but right now I'm upset and it hurts. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I didn't want to be felt sorry for, treated differently, talked about and so forth. And now it's happened. All I can say is STUPID NON-IF PEOPLE SUCK and have no respect and feelings for other people. ( or at least 1 person that I know) So now as you might imagine, I will not be sharing my story with anyone else any time soon. My mom even said she was really private about adopting us until we arrived. And she was private about her TTC challenges and fertility help. I'm so thankful for my supportive, understanding, loving IF friends like you! Thank you for having a heart like mine because we've gone through the same things and can relate. I couldn't get through these things without you! You're the only ones who can truly understand. Nobody else does, only you!!